I made another trip to the doctor's office today.  I was supposed to wait until Thursday to see Dr. Lannigan.  But yesterday afternoon, my right side started hurting near the hernia repair.  Today, it got so bad I couldn't walk upright anymore, and Brian made me go in.  Dr. Lannigan was already gone for the day (and tomorrow, too), so I saw the PA again.
 
He was completely unconcerned about the hernia pain, saying it was just sore from the sutures and it would go away.  He fussed more over the hole.  I explained to him what Dr. Lannigan told me, that the Accuzyme was causing me too much pain and bleeding and not to use it.  So he switched me to a different enzymatic ointment, called Collagenase.  It's similar to Accuzyme but not as strong, so it shouldn't cause the pain and bleeding I was having before.  The downside is that it also won't work as well.  If it can take out the dead tissue at all, it will do it more slowly.  So I'm still packing with the AccuGel, but now smearing with Collagenase instead of Accuzyme.
 
After he redressed the hole, we had a long chat.  I asked him at one point if he could say anything positive about this situation.  He had to think about it, for a minute or two at least.  Finally, I think he said, "Well, it's not infected."  True, but not an earth-shattering positive statement there.  We talked more, and he brought up the possibility that this will need to be reopened.  As in, going back and doing another surgery.  Right now, he's willing to wait for Dr. Livingston and try the Collagenase in the meantime.  But if the wound is not showing significant improvement by the time I see Dr. Livingston next Friday, in his opinion the only option will be surgery.
 
I swear when I look at this hole myself now, it looks smaller, like the edges have closed in.  I guess I must be imagining things.  I hesitate to take any more pictures at this point, because all the changes are now so far down that you can't see them in a photograph.  The PA said he debrided all the way down to the upper fascia yesterday.  That means all the way through the fat layer (at least I know exactly how thick that is now!), so there is only a thin layer of connective tissue separating my abdominal muscles from open air.
 
I running out of happy tricks.  My usual list of things that cheer me up include punching bags, kicking walls, going for a bike ride, playing on a playground, going for a hike, redecorating, rearranging furniture, spending a night playing pool and drinking and smoking too much, and going on a road trip.  I can't do any of that!  I do have a sweater I've started knitting that I'm really enjoying, but I can't knit 24/7.  Most days it's too uncomfortable to sit at the computer for long enough to get decent amounts of work done, which is also why this blog is only getting updated in chunks.  I can play the piano, a little, but that's always been hard to do with the kids awake because they try to "help."  I'm running out of ideas here.  I thought of getting my eyebrows pierced.  I could put a new ring in for each week I have a hole in my belly, sort of mark my time.