My Tummy Tuck
In 2004, I had a tummy tuck done to repair the damage done by the triplets and Liam. The results were...interesting. Read on to see how things went for me.
05-26 Day One
Yesterday, it seemed like this was going to be a bit worse than my c-sections. But now, I think that was as much a product of not having a new baby or babies to focus on as anything else. Today, I’m doing good, more like I expected to be. I’m awake, and I’m not needing any pain medication. I may ask for some Tylenol or something here in a bit, but it’s really not bad.I’ve seen my belly button, but I haven’t gotten a good look at the rest of it. My belly button seems like it’s in the wrong spot. I mean, it’s not supposed to be that high, it’s supposed to be all hanging down between my legs, right? It looks pretty now, though. Actually looks like a belly button again, instead of a slit in the flab.
My lower belly feels like it’s been operated on, but my upper belly mostly feels tight. I’ve got a “pain buster” in for my upper belly, which may be why it doesn’t hurt. Although, I can’t tell that there’s anything coming out of this little balloon thingy. Supposedly, they inflate a balloon which the pain drugs, and it shoots out a little at a time all on its own. But it looks to me like it’s the same size it was yesterday.
Definitely feels tight. I can feel it even when I’m just sitting up. It’s hard to straighten out my upper body. I thought not being able to stand up straight would be more in the lower belly, but it’s the upper part that’s restricting me. So even when I’m sitting and already bent 90 degrees at the hips, I have to sit with a hunched back because that upper tummy is so tight. So much for good posture.
I can’t wait to really get a good look at my tummy. Even after all the anticipation, I just can’t imagine what it’s going to look like, or feel like when it’s healed.
I need to call Mom and get her to bring the kids by after breakfast. I keep leaking milk, not much but just enough to be annoying. I got them to “steal” a pump for me last night, but I only got two ounces out, combined, so I don’t think that was much use. As long as I see Liam at least twice a day, though, I should be okay. I’ll be home tonight or tomorrow, and then it won’t matter anymore.
Feeling a little tired again. Probably should lay back down, or at least switch to sewing in the bed. I’m sitting up in a chair right now. They’ve even had me running laps up and down the halls. I took my third walk after breakfast this morning. It’s hard to walk because I can’t stand up straight. I have to use my IV stand like a walker, to lean on. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at home. A walker won’t be much use with all those stairs. I’ll need to get my cane back from Millie, probably. I just hope I can manage the stairs a bit once I get home. I do not want to wind up on Brenden’s bed. That poor bed has been peed on so many times it positively reeks. Ugh!
05-27 Day Two
Going home today. Turned out to be two nights in the hospital after all, which I really expected despite what the doctors said. I could quite bring myself to believe that they would kick me out of the hospital after only one night, after such a major surgery involving my entire torso and both hips. Even with my c-sections, which only involved the lower abdomen, I had to stay at least two nights. I’m glad they kept me here. Gives me an extra day to get over everything before I have to manage all those stairs at home.I got up and about really good yesterday. Instead of leaving those leg balloons on all the time, I just made sure I was up and out of bed at least once an hour, whether I took a lap down the hall or just went to the bathroom. I’ll make sure and do this at home, too.
It’s sad, in a way. It looks like this laptop might have been a bit of a waste. We’ll see. But I was up and in a chair for several hours last night, so theoretically I could sit at my own desk now at home. But I paid for a full month, so I’m going to keep it. I’m going to get spoiled and have to actually buy one now!
I got my first real look at my belly last night. It’s very very ugly, but it makes me feel better. I still have tons of battle scars, and I still have some fat padding. I just don’t have that overhang that I could pick up and move around. It’s still very much my own belly, just smaller. I was worried about that. I didn’t really want to get rid of all my stretch marks, they’re like a badge of honor. So I still have stretch marks and a little fat. He said my skin should have enough elasticity still that I could lose a little weight without incurring another pannus, so that’s good. We’ll see what pant size I wind up in now, but I think I’ll still want to drop 15 pounds or so and go down a dress size, just to make life easier.
Boy, is that incision ugly. All purple and covered in crusty blood. I’m going to take a shower in a bit. Doc said I could wash it, soap and all, so hopefully it will look better after it’s cleaned up a little. My belly button doesn’t look bad. I might be able to get it pierced after all. All the stitches appear to be concealed inside it. It’s so weird to see my belly button there, still. But it sure looks nicer.
I’m officially discharged. Now I’m just waiting for Mom to get up and come get me. Might not be until after lunch. I’m not entirely sure she’s even awake yet. Not fair, the kids never let me sleep in that late!
05-27 Zombification
I just found out what they repaired my hernia with. Skin. Specifically, cadaver skin. Cadaver skin that has been disinfected and freeze-dried. Supposedly, I have a lower risk of infection with this cadaver skin than with the mesh he mentioned using before.So now, apparently, I am part zombie. Cool!
05-28 Blog Online!
Finally got the blog online. I also linked to it from the main Triplets web page. Now to add some pictures. People are actually asking for before and after pictures, so I'll get them up. Don't say I didn't warn you, though. I don't think they're pretty.05-28 Great Help
I’m going to have to come up with something really neat to do for or give to Mom and Brian. They are going through hell for me right now, I think. I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must be for them to take over the kids. I don’t think about what it takes. I’m used to it, I have my routines, and I just do it. I just can’t imagine what’s it’s like for them right now. The house is messy, the kids are fussy, there’s crying and screaming and I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! Very frustrating. If I were rich, I would send them on a cruise or something. What to do, what to do…05-28 PainBuster gone
I just took out my PainBuster a little while ago. In case I haven’t yet mentioned it, the PainBuster is a device that administers a topical anesthetic under the skin, automatically over hours or days. They fill this little balloon thingy with the drug, and hook it up to a couple of IV-like lines that go under the skin. Then the balloon thingy automatically squeezes out 4mg/hr until it’s empty. It wasn’t completely empty when I was discharged, so I got to take it out myself. Not too bad, except that these lines weren’t just little IV lines. These suckers were about six inches long, long enough that although they entered my tummy just under my bra line, the ends were down close to my hips. And they stuck a little before coming out, so I could feel this tugging all the way across my belly. Ick! But it’s out, no bleeding or oozing, just a little bandaid. I wish I could take the drains out like that, but I guess they probably need a stitch or something special since it’s a much bigger hole.05-29 Pictures!
Ok, here they are, for all those inquiring minds out there. You asked for it.
These are my before pictures, taken the morning before surgery.
These were taken 3 days after surgery. Note the lovely placement of the drainage tubes.
Obviously, I've got a lot of healing to do. But you can see how much was taken off and what a big difference it made. For reference, note the vertical incision line in the front after picture. That line marks where my belly button used to be.
05-30 Breathe In, Breathe Out!
As a singer, I've been trained since early high school in the proper breathing technique. One should always breathe from the diaphragm. Your shoulders should never move up; instead, your belly should move out as you take a deep breath.So now, of course, I have to do exactly what I've been trained not to do: to take a deep breath, I have to shrug my shoulders and hunch my back to give my lungs the room to expand. My tummy is just too tight for deep breathing yet.
They make you do breathing exercises after surgery. Even after my c-sections, the nurses would come in every few hours and tell me to cough. "Here, hold this pillow against your incision and cough for me. Harder!" Sure, lady, you try to cough when you feel your intestines falling out with each cough! Well, they're even more keen on it after you've had general anesthesia, because you've had the breathing tube in and they want to make extra sure your lungs stay clear. Deep breathing, coughing, all of it. And here I'm afraid even to sneeze, for fear my belly will explode open if I do!
05-31 Sore Tailbone
My butt hurts! All I do is sit on my butt, straight on, all day and all night. I still can't lay flat in bed, so I sleep on my back but propped up with pillows under my shoulders and knees. Can't roll over. Can't lounge on my side. All I can do to relieve the pressure is stand up and walk around. That's not much fun, either, though, because I still can't quite stand up straight. Almost there, but not quite. So when I walk, I have to hunch just enough to piss my back muscles off. So either my butt is sore and numb, or my back hurts.I hope to be able to roll over after my next doctor's visit. I think what keeping me from doing that is the tail ends of deep sutures that are hanging out of my hip incisions. They pull sometimes when I walk, and especially when I roll over on them. Hopefully he'll clip those this week.
06-01 Murphy Hates Me
I'm about to start my period. In fact, by the time I see the doctor again on Wednesday, it'll probably be in full flood stage. Of all the months to choose from, it had to pick now to go to a 28-day cycle???? It hurts to wear panties still. What am I supposed to do, sit on the toilet for the next week?06-02 I Hate Drains
If it weren't for these drains, I could wear underwear and not be worried about my period coming up.
If it weren't for these drains, I could wear clothing, even pants, without every step pulling and tearing.
If it weren't for these drains, I wouldn't be spending my days in nothing but a nightgown, no panties, having to sit on towels so I don't stink up the furniture.
At this point, if it weren't for these drains, I could spend a little more time lying on my side, and spare my poor aching tailbone the current agony of spending my days on it. It's gotten so bad that I can't sit for more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time before I start squirming. My hip incisions feel okay to roll over now, but the feeling of the drains pulling when I do that hurts too much.
If I can get these drains out tomorrow, I will happily spend another week on my ass doing nothing. Because I'll be able to do it in considerably more comfort than I can now.
06-02 One-Week Check Up
Doctor says it looks good. The front of the incision was oozing a bit at the T intersection, probably because of my trying to wear panties and overalls too much the last couple of days. But, good news! The left drain came out! You can see where the drain went in, in my 3-day pictures. Would you believe the other end of that drain was up almost to my chest? More than 6 inches long! No wonder it hurt! I didn't get the other drain out, but the left drain was actually the most painful, so I'm feeling a whole lot better today with it out. Other than that, everything looks normal. He also took the gauze out of my bellybutton, although the stitches are in, and the nurse said it looks good enough to pierce. I was thinking the same thing.
Also, I can roll over onto my side now! It takes a bit, and it's a little uncomfortable to get there, and I can't stay for long, but I can do it. I slept so much better last night.
06-03 One Week Pictures
Got new pictures now, the one week update is here. Not much change from last week, I don't think. If anything, I might be more swollen, especially my hips. Once again, for reference, the before set:And now, the one week set:
My doctor took one drainage tube out yesterday. It's amazing how much more comfortable I am with just one tube out. I'm wondering if my hips are swelling up because I started laying on my side some at night?
06-04 Recovery: Fast or Slow?
I did too much yesterday. By the time I went to bed last night, my whole front was cramping. It felt like one big, long, Braxton-Hicks contraction, tight but not painful...except I'm not pregnant! Very strange feeling. Obviously I did too much. But I didn't do all that much! I made some biscuits for strawberry shortcake after lunch, which isn't hard and doesn't take long. And then I went to the grocery store with Mom yesterday evening. I tried to tough it out and walk it all, but I gave up after a couple aisles and got one of the little scooter things. And those scooter things are definitely way too slow to have any fun with.I'm hoping to start at least helping with dinner, if not cooking it myself. I'll still let Mom clean up, but I can chop veggies and maybe cook some. I bought a MenuMailer week last night, so it'll be a waste if I don't cook them, and I doubt I'll get Mom to cook that stuff on her own. Besides, it'll probably be good for me to eat a little healthier while I'm healing.
I can feel the date of Mom's departure creeping up on me. I'm so scared that I won't be able to handle things once she's gone. I guess a week or two of me being in "sick" mode won't hurt anybody, but even in "sick" mode I have to cook and wash laundry. So I feel like I should be starting to ramp up now, gradually get back into doing at least those two things. Another part of me thinks that maybe, if I continue to do nothing, I'll heal faster and actually be better able to cope than if I start doing too much too soon. I'm torn here; I don't know what to do!
06-05 Progress
I cooked dinner tonight! The whole works, a nice MenuMailer meal, with veggies and everything. All by myself! And my tummy didn't hurt at all when I was done. My back hurt a little, because I still hunch a little when I stand, but not my tummy.
Then I went and tried to take a walk, and my stomach started cramping before I managed to cross the street! One thing at a time...
Bonus, though: I found a way to nurse Liam to sleep. I can sit in the corner of my sectional, cross-legged. Our couch has great back support, and there are armrests around that corner that I can rest my knees against. Then Liam can lay in my lap, without touching my tummy, and nurse to sleep. Which he did, for naptime this afternoon. Switching sides is a little tricky, because I really can't just pick him up and flip him like I usually do, but I can sort of slide him around after he sits up. And he mostly climbs in and out of my lap on his own. Yippee!! I've missed cuddling him so much.
I also measured myself tonight, and compared to the measurements I took back in April. I've lost a full inch in the waist, and and inch and a half in the hips. And that's while I'm still all swollen and lumpy, too. I guess I didn't gain inches after all! I wonder how my pants are going to feel when I can get them back on. I just can't imagine.
06-07 Incision Opening
Today, I can finally lay off the underwear. I don't need it for menstrual protection anymore. And it's a good thing, too. I got a good look at my incision in the shower today, and there's a spot at the T junction about 0.5 cm across that has come open. The vertical incision also shows a little more blackness than I would like, but I was more concerned about that dehiscence at the juncture.
It first started oozing there last Tuesday night, after I tried to wear panties and overalls for the first time. Before that, it had closed completely, no discharge at all, looked like it was healing as good as the rest of my incision. But as soon as I started wearing panties, that spot started degrading.
Today I was very glad that I have my doctor's email address. I was able to snap a picture of the area and send it over to him, so that he could get a look and make a recommendation. He said it's not enough to worry about, and that I don't need to see him before Wednesday. I just need to keep a dressing on it, and I'm also using some Neosporin ointment to keep the dressing from sticking.
My hope is that this area will improve now that it doesn't have constant pressure on it from panties. It certainly feels odd, though, running around in a dress (I never wear dresses unless forced) without panties (doubly exposed!). I have to wonder: What do men with abdominal incisions wear during recovery??? Hey, maybe I could wear boxer shorts with my dresses!
06-09 Into the Groove...sort of
Today I tried getting back into the swing of things a bit. I fixed breakfast and lunch, and did two loads of laundry. I also found out that, if needed, the kids can carry the laundry up and down the stairs for me, if they do it two at a time.After lunch, I was done for the day, but I thought getting that far was pretty good. Of course, mom was mad at me for even trying that much.
06-09 Two-week Checkup
I visited the doctor again today for my two-week checkup. I didn't get the second drain out yet, it's still putting out too much. I did get the stitches out of my belly button, however, and he also clipped off those foot-long (ok, maybe three inches) suture ends coming out of my front and hips. He ripped off the steri-strips from my hips, and I got my first good look at the incision area there. Not bad, but definitely lumpy. The doctor says it looks like that because I'm lumpy. Great.He debrided the open incision area at the front juncture. Went at it big-time with scissors and scalpel and everything. It's a good thing I'm still so numb there. I didn't feel a thing, felt like I'd been anesthetized. It seems a lot bigger now, but it will probably heal better with all the gunk out of it. He left in the two stitches that are (supposedly) holding that area together, on the theory that every bit of support helps. But he also confirmed that the dehiscence is only skin-deep, so that's reassuring.
06-11 Going, going...Gone?
My drain output is drastically down this evening. It figures that it would drop down enough for removal the day after my doctor's appointment. And I don't get to see him again until next Friday, eight days away. I want the drain out now, not a week from now!06-12 It's Friday!
My drain output is staying down. I called the doctor's office this afternoon, and they said if it was still down on Monday, that I could probably get in on a nurse appointment and get the drain out before my regular appointment on Friday. What a relief!The wound in front still looks worrisome, but I think it's getting better. It had been very red and angry looking since my appointment on Wednesday, but I assume that was a reaction to the debridement. It's not looking so red anymore, it just looks yuck.
We went to the movies tonight, so the kids could see Shrek 2. Took them to the local theater. I held Liam in my lap for most of the movie, but then at the end he started pushing his feet on the seat in front of us, which pushed his butt into my tummy. OUCH! Brian finally got the message and took him, but I bet I'm going to be sore tomorrow. On the other hand, I was able to pick him up some today, so that was nice. I've so missed cuddling my baby.
06-13 What the...
My drain output today went from 10mls every 12 hours to 80mls. In one afternoon! I don't understand. And my left side, the one without a drain anymore, is definitely swollen.Now, I did do a lot today, compared to what I'd been doing. I picked Liam up several times, we went strawberry picking, I made some jam and shortcake when we got back, went out for dinner with Mom. But I haven't been tired, and I don't think it really was all that much to do. Strawberry picking was really just sitting on my knees and heels, no bending over or squatting, not even much walking since the guys took us out to the field on a golf cart. I sliced the berries for jam sitting down, and the jam itself only took about 30 minutes to cook and can. Biscuits took maybe 15 minutes to make, and I didn't do that until after dinner.
All in all, I've felt really good today. Not sore, not real tired, almost normal except for this damn drain sticking out of my crotch.
I called the doctor this evening, after I saw the drain output, to see if it was a problem. He said it was probably okay, that there was just a fluid pocket that hadn't drained or something. But I wonder. I can really tell that my left side is swollen, which tells me that this is a wholesale increase in fluid production, not just a localized pocket. Plus, the color changed back to very reddish, when it had been very clear.
Still, he said as long as it starts going back down tomorrow, it's okay, and that as soon as I have two days in a row with less than 30mls/24hrs, I can have a nurse take it out. So I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.
Mom is leaving tomorrow, so I'll be on my own. So if this happened because of my increased activity today, well, it's only going to get worse this week, because I didn't do squat compared to the usual minimum "sick mode" for a weekday, meals and laundry.
06-15 On My Own
Mom left on Sunday, and Brian went back to work today, so I was home alone with the kids and all the responsibility for the first time today. And not only was I in charge, but I had to take Tamara to a doctor's appointment. Let's see, today I drove Brian to work, fed the kids breakfast and cleaned up, folded laundry, washed laundry, changed the baby, fed the baby, cooked/cleaned lunch, got shoes on everybody, drove to the doctor's office, pulled my drain getting out of the car, unloaded everybody into the doctor's office in pouring rain, got back in the car afterward to see the sun come out, came home, went to look at a house, went to the mall to get new glasses for the girls, got dinner, ran an errand at WalMart, came home and worked. And indeed, I am quite tired and sore today. However, my drain output hasn't gone up (over yesterday, at least).
This, I do not understand. I enjoy a relaxing day picking strawberries and making yummies, not sore or tired, and my drain output octuples (is that even a word?). I go back to "work" as mommy, doing housework and running all over the place, and my drain output doesn't budge. If these two days were a couple weeks apart, I could understand the discrepancy, but this was only two days apart. Doesn't make any sense at all.
My wound doesn't look any different to me at all. I already did a spell for it last week. Now I'm beginning to research alternative therapies, anything from honey to electric shocks. I'll try anything, I do not like having this open wound on my belly and it is not normal for me not to heal like this.
Not to mention I want a cigarette in the worst way, but I can't smoke until this heals.
06-18 Picture
It's getting worse. I think I can see it getting worse just between morning and evening. I haven't got the slightest idea what's going to happen at my appointment tomorrow. I just don't know. I keep looking and looking, and I can't find any significant amount of information on this, not enough to make me feel informed and reassure me. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen and why.Here's a picture of the current problem:
As you can see, the upper stitch that had been left in for support is completely gone now. It fell out this morning. You can also see the upper portion appears to be expanding up the vertical incision, where I had thought this area was improving. Along the bottom horizontal incision, it has opened deeper and deeper over the past two days. The edges appear to be reddening, which makes me wonder if it's now getting infected.
It hurts now. Not bad, not yet, but I feel it more each day. It's like a stinging sensation right now, most noticeable whenever that part of my belly is moved. I'm beginning to wonder if this was really worth it. Maybe I should have waited a few years, but then I'd just be older and probably healing even worse. I'm sure everything will work out one way or another, and I'll look back and think, "No big deal," but right now I'm scared. I just don't know enough.
06-19 Hole in the Gut
When I got up this morning, I had had enough of being depressed. So I determined to find something new and pretty to wear, no matter what. And I did. I found a little black skirt, knee-length, and a snug blue v-neck shirt. And they look fantastic! (Well, the drain snaking out from under my skirt ruins the effect a little, but I guess you can't have everything.) I felt so much better after putting these on. I felt both happier and healthier. I knew I would feel better physically if I could find a way to cheer up. I didn't feel regret over the surgery anymore.
And then...I had my doctor's appointment. He took a look and started getting out the sharp pointy things again, and he seemed to have a grand old time pulling little chunks of me out again. When he was finished, I had a nice, inch-deep hole where that shallow surface wound once stood.
I have to pack it. I'm still supposed to wash it with soap and water in the shower. Then, twice a day, I take some cotton gauze, soak it in saline, and stuff the hole with it. Tape a bandaid on top and it's done. Very unpleasant task.
Very depressing. Again.
06-21 Changing Appearances
It happens. I get bored, I have no outlets for frustration but myself, and so bits of myself start changing. I wanted to do purple, but Brian talked me into red instead. Really red. You could call it a violent red, even. Maybe a bright blood red, rather appropriately.
No, it's not your monitor, it really is exactly that color. Very noticeable. In the sunlight, it really glows. It's not pink or orange, it's just so strong your brain wants to say it's pink or orange just to explain it.
Very cool!
Incidentally, dying your own hair while bandaged is not the easiest thing in the world. With hair as long as mine, I've always rinsed my hair in the shower, because trying to do anything in the sink just makes a mess. However, in the shower, everything goes everywhere. So how to keep the (obviously toxic) dye solutions away from my nice big hole? Not to mention the drain that wouldn't die.
Brian's idea for this was to take a plastic baggie and tape it over the area. I used tape on all top three sides, to help ensure that water wouldn't get through.
It didn't work completely. I think water seeped through the tape, or ran under my skin, or something. However it happened, there was a slight pinkish tinge to the top layer of bandaging. But, it was only on the top, it didn't actually get anywhere near the hole, so overall, I'd say the method was a success.
06-22 Massage Therapy
A family friend back in Texas is a massage therapist, and after talking to my mother about me yesterday morning recommended that I look into getting massage therapy to help this hole heal. What she said was that the poor healing can be due to decreased blood flow, which, of course, matches what the doctor said; the blood supply is lowered because the skin was lifted up in a flap, and the blood vessels running up from below were severed. She also said that the lack of sensation in the area meant that there are no messages coming from the nerves to the brain saying, "Send more blood here!" So massage therapy could help increase the blood flow as well as wake up some of those nerve endings.
So I went to see a massage therapist last night. I only scheduled a half-hour, just to see how things went, but she kept going for an hour and a half. She also said everybody was jealous that she had gotten me, because they don't often get hard stuff like this to work on. Now I know how Brian feels sometimes!
She went through a good number of exercises and techniques to use. A lot of what she did involved stretching the fascia, which is the tough connective tissue under the skin that holds all your organs in. She wanted to stretch this out to release tension on the wound, so that it wouldn't be getting pulled open further. Two main areas were pulling the skin above my hips toward my lower abdomen, and pushing up on the front of my thighs. This is something I will need to show Brian how to do to me.
The second thing she showed me was how to work the scars that have already healed. If you massage and work with a scar early on, before it completely hardens, you can make it softer and smoother, and keep it from adhering to the surrounding tissues. This makes it more comfortable long term. So I'm to start now working with the areas that have already healed, like my bellybutton, hips, and upper stomach muscles. I just basically play with the scars, look for tight or sticky spots and try to massage them out, roll the scar itself between my fingers to soften, things like that. I also rub little circles all over my belly to help stimulate blood and lymph circulation.
The last thing she showed me was energy work. This involves placing my hands over the hole and visualizing healing energy flowing into the area, and visualizing the wound closing and healing itself. Pure imagery, but a more direct approach than I have tried before, so I will work that into my meditations.
After all of that, I actually did feel better, both last night and this morning. I sort of expected to be a little sore and my drain output to go up a little, but neither happened. Instead, I have increased sensation, along with decreased sensitivity, in my entire abdomen. I also have some increased sensation in the hole itself, but not any real pain or discomfort; it's more like an awareness, I guess. At any rate, I feel better, and you know, I think the hole had a little less yellow gunk in it this morning, too.
I've already made an appointment to get my drain out tomorrow. Unless it suddenly shoots up today, I'll be good to go, finally. I will feel so much better with the drain out. I think I'll be able to wear pants again, although I'll check with the doctor first to be sure. I'm so excited!
06-24 Drain Out
I got my drain out yesterday! First thing in the morning, 9 o'clock appointment, so Brian went and sat with the kids in the car, and we took him to work after. It was a new nurse, one I hadn't met, but she was very nice. She pulled it out slowly, instead of yanking it out as fast as she could like the last one did. I highly recommend the slow method, it hurt much less. I had to do a little dance once I got up. There are no strings on me!
So then I got to play in my closet again. I did take my measurements a while back, and my waist was an inch smaller while my hips were 1.5 inches smaller. I also haven't gained any weight while lounging around the house for a month. Still, when I tried on my old pants, they didn't fit. They were too small! I had to go back to an old pair of Lane Bryant jeans before they were comfortable, and then they look all baggy in the legs. I imagine a lot of this is because I can't stand any real constriction or tightness in my clothes right now. I used to prefer my jeans pretty tight, and the waistband sat more inside my stomach than outside once I sat down and my stomach folded over. If it doesn't get a lot better once my swelling and pain goes back down, though, I might actually have to start making my own jeans to be happy with the fit. How sad!
Underwear, though, is absolutely unbelieveable. I look like a normal woman in underwear. You have no idea how absolutely amazing this is. I wish I had some before pictures in underwear for comparison. I have some hiphugger panties from Victoria Secret that I've avoided wearing because they were uncomfortable; they would roll down under my belly, and...ugh, I can't even describe how bad it looked. I always wore granny panties because I couldn't stand anything else, and I never wanted to wear lingerire or anything sexy, evenm for Brian. Now...well, I called up Brian and told him he could buy me lingerie anytime he wanted. I want to show off and look nice now, because I can. This is so wonderful! I'm not deformed anymore!
06-26 Bigger and Bigger
Saw the doctor again today. Unfortunately, I couldn't find childcare, and I had to take all the kids with me. All four of them. Knowing full well that I would be stuck waiting for a minimum of 45 minutes. Amazingly enough, they were incredibly well-behaved. I'll have to examine my tactics and apply them to future professional visits. I did let them bring toys, and they did some coloring and stuff. The doctor said it was nice to meet them and that they weren't really in the way, so that's a relief.And the hole got bigger. He debrided it again today, this time taking out one of the big green sutures from the bottom of the original incision. So my hole now goes pretty much all the way down to the muscle layer, I guess you could say. I did a rough estimate of the measurements, and it appears to be approximately 1.5 inches long, 1 inch wide, and 1 inch deep. At least.
Here is a picture of the hole from this morning:
You can see that it was filling up a bit again with that yellowish stuff. I call it snot, because that's what it looks like. Unfortunately, I lost the picture from after the appointment, but it was definitely bigger and deeper. On the plus side, he did say that the tissue along the upper edge, which you can't really see in these pictures, looks nice and pink and healthy.
The overall story is this: He can't just close the hole up with sutures, because there is still stuff dying and sloughing off inside. If it were closed up, it could still become infected and turn into an abscess, which would have to be reopened and we're right back where we started. The area needs to stop sloughing off and turn into pink, healthy tissue on all sides. Then it will start the healing process properly.
He doesn't want to see me again for 3.5 weeks. He's actually going on vacation somewhere in there, too. He says that if everything is pink and healthy next time, and if it has not started to fill in and/or contract on its own, then he'll consider suturing it closed. So now it's just a waiting game.
Visited the mall again tonight, bought a black t-shirt with a purple fairy on it, and got a ring to put in my nose instead of the stud I've been wearing. No more soccer mom! I'm reclaiming my youth!
07-01 Pain
I've started having more and more pain. It was so bad this past weekend at times, I could barely walk. Brian finally had me call in on Monday for more Vicodin. Actually, he called, really, because I lost my voice. I caught a cold from my kids, and my voice went on Saturday. Then on Sunday I started getting chest congestion and needing to cough a lot. I have to wonder how much of this more recent pain is from the coughing, if my coughing might be tearing something in there? Probably just me being paranoid. All these lovely, pleasant thoughts I have. I don't know what's worse, being in pain or being stoned on Vicodin. They both suck. I need to be getting back to work, doing more than just cooking and laundry around here. But I can't even go pick berries in the yard without causing pain.I picked up some more clothes over the weekend. I got a hip-hugging slinky black skirt, very cool, and five new shirts, three black and two purple. I honestly did not have a single short-sleeved shirt left that wasn't too big, too holey, or a t-shirt. So now I can wear black again. Much better. Fits my mood.
07-04 Bleeding, ER trip
When I took the dressing off this morning to take a shower, the hole started bleeding. A lot. As in, it was dripping blood. I put some pads over it and applied pressure, but it was just soaking through them. I tried repacking it with gauze, but it soaked through that, too. So I got to make a trip to the ER. I hadn't even had breakfast yet!By the time I got there, the bleeding had slowed, but when we took the dressing off so the triage nurse could have a look, this incredibly disgusting smell came out. I mean, this was bad, there is no way I could have missed this smell before, it's brand new.
There nothing so reassuring as seeing your particular injury startle every medical professional who comes to take a look. I think they were sharing me, because I swear a different nurse or doctor came in every five minutes to do something different. Every time, they'd start out smiling, doing the "reassure the patient" game. "Let's see this wound, where is it again?" Then the bandage comes off, and their whole body stops, face freezes, for several seconds, following by a slow, "Oh. Okay...Well, then..." and then they recover. It's like they were all out in the hallway in a huddle:
"Hey, you're not going to believe this lady's stomach, she's got a hole in it *this big*!"
"No way. Didn't she just walk in here like normal?"
"Look for yourself!"
"Dude, I just saw that, and it was unbelievable!"
They did some blood draws to check for sepsis and hemoglobin, make sure I wasn't too sick and hadn't lost too much blood. Then they sent me home on antibiotics and set me up to visit the special Wound Care Clinic at the hospital next week. I'm to make sure the Clinic calls one of the surgeons down to have a look and supervise when I get there (got to make sure *everybody* gets a look, right?).
I mentioned something I was thinking of doing but didn't get a chance, which was to partially debride it at home using a spray saline I found. It's Blairex Wound Wash Saline, which comes in a 210mL aerosol spray bottle. It provides more water pressure than my shower head does, so I had been planning to try it to see if I could wash out some of that snot in the hole. The physician assistant at the ER said that was a good idea and to go ahead with it.
That smell is terrible. I can't even leave my bandages in the trash in the house now, they stink up the bathroom.
I hurt so much worse today. I'm actually up to two Vicodin tonight. I can't do anything. Just standing up long enough to brown ground beef earlier had me in pain and needing rest.
As a bonus, the tape from the bandages has started ripping the top of my skin off and making it bleed.
07-07 Wound Clinic
I checked things out with a mirror this morning. I didn't have my camera upstairs or I would have taken a picture. All the side walls are pink and healthy, and I can see lots of granulation tissue starting to grow. This is very good! Also, I noticed that the smell now most closely resembles what Liam's breath smelled like in the two weeks following his adenoids coming out. Interesting.
I had my appointment with Sparrow's Wound Clinic today. They didn't really do much to the wound itself. They took a picture and documented the size, which was 2cm x 3.5cm x 3cm. The nurse reminded me to make sure I eat lots and lots of protein, to help promote healing. I needed that reminder; I knew it somewhere, but I wasn't really following it. Then they just repacked it as before.
After I pestered her a bit, the nurse said that her opinion of the odor was that it was a healing smell. She said that large wounds like this actually do produce a certain odor when they are healing, and that it didn't smell infected to her at all. That explains why it smells like Liam did, and makes me feel even better.
I have another appointment with them for next Monday, because Dr. Livingston's associate wants to take a look at it himself. Also, they have put in for insurance approval for a VAC device. They need to wait until the insurance approves it before using it, and that may take up to two weeks. So still waiting on that.
As for the VAC device, this is a very interesting treatment and has me pretty excited. VAC stands for Vacuum Assisted Closure. After I do some more research, I'll post some links for further information on this, but here is what I have learned so far from a brief search. A foam sponge is inserted into the wound, and a perforated drain is inserted into the sponge. The whole thing is then sealed with an airtight dressing. The drain is then attached to a pump, which is programmed to apply a vacuum pressure to the wound. I'm not sure exactly which way my treatment will go yet, but the most effective treatments I'm seeing involve a cyclical pressure, maybe five minutes on and two minutes off, with a negative pressure of 125mB below ambient.
On the negative side, I will once again have a drain to deal with, and it will be worse than before because it will be attached to this pump I'll have to carry around with me. But, on the positive side, wounds nearly as big as mine have closed, or healed enough for suturing, in an average of 16 days or so. That's just over two weeks, compared with a possible month. So I say, let's do it!
All in all, this was a very good day. For the first time since this area started to open up, I really feel optimistic about the outcome. That's a big step; yesterday I was convincing myself I was going to die from belly rot.
07-13 Part 1 Wound Clinic, Again
This afternoon I had my second appointment at the wound clinic. It was supposed to be with Dr. Lannigan, the doctor covering for Dr. Livingston while Dr. Livingston is on vacation. Instead, the PA, Charles Thomas, showed up. He didn't talk much. He took a look, and said there was still too much dead tissue in the bottom of the wound. He said that I can't use a VAC device as long as that dead tissue is in there. It wouldn't work, just as suturing won't work.He debrided it again, pulling little chunks of me out. That hurt, a surprising amount. It's very strange, the constant contrast in that region between pain and numbness. I suspect most of my pain must be coming from the lower wall, where the skin wasn't separated from the fascia and nerves weren't cut. But a lot of what he did today was above that line, and I had a lot of discomfort.
When he was finished, he said there was still a "shelf" of dead tissue on one side. I think he was talking about the little tunnel I've seen that appears to be following the vertical incision line. He said (to the nurse, more than to me) that he would have to use anesthesia to get it all out because it was hurting me too much. (Nice of him.) So instead, he turned to a chemical debriding agent, an enzymatic ointment called Accuzyme. The enzymatic debriders work sort of like hydrogen peroxide, dissolving tissue, but I think they are a little more selective in not killing off healthy tissue like the hydrogen peroxide does.
The new dressing also includes a new material called AccuGel. This is pretty cool stuff. It looks like a little thin square of fiberfill or fiberglass, all fuzzy. But when it gets wet, it turns into this gelatinous goop. It just barely holds together enough to be pulled out for dressing changes, but it also provides this very moist, fairly airtight environment for healing to take place. So for the new dressing, instead of packing with cotton gauze soaked in saline, I pack with AccuGel smeared with some Accuzyme.
I go back next Monday to see if this is doing any good. Right now, I just hope I make it that long. It was sore when I left the clinic. Of course, it hurts more and more with every single visit. But at this point, I have to say it hurts as much as it did when I had the original surgery. Driving home after dinner, it hurt just to move my foot from the gas to the brake. I got a script for Tylenol 3 today, so I'm using that instead of the Vicodin tonight. Ouch.
07-13 Part 2 Bleedthrough
When I went to the bathroom around 11:00, I saw that the wound had bled or leaked fluid or both all the way through the padding and onto my clothes. I wasn't sure what to do with this. It wasn't hemorraging, it wasn't dripping or anything, but obviously the dressing was done for. I wasn't supposed to change the dressing until the morning, though. So I called the doctor's office and got Dr. Lannigan. He said the Accuzyme can cause increased pain and bleeding, and to stop using the Accuzyme. I'm to go back to twice daily packing with saline gauze and come see him on Thursday morning.I feel better already, less pain, just from changing the dressing. But does anybody actually know what's going on? Everybody seems to have a different solution. What's going on?
07-14 Back so soon?
I made another trip to the doctor's office today. I was supposed to wait until Thursday to see Dr. Lannigan. But yesterday afternoon, my right side started hurting near the hernia repair. Today, it got so bad I couldn't walk upright anymore, and Brian made me go in. Dr. Lannigan was already gone for the day (and tomorrow, too), so I saw the PA again.He was completely unconcerned about the hernia pain, saying it was just sore from the sutures and it would go away. He fussed more over the hole. I explained to him what Dr. Lannigan told me, that the Accuzyme was causing me too much pain and bleeding and not to use it. So he switched me to a different enzymatic ointment, called Collagenase. It's similar to Accuzyme but not as strong, so it shouldn't cause the pain and bleeding I was having before. The downside is that it also won't work as well. If it can take out the dead tissue at all, it will do it more slowly. So I'm still packing with the AccuGel, but now smearing with Collagenase instead of Accuzyme.
After he redressed the hole, we had a long chat. I asked him at one point if he could say anything positive about this situation. He had to think about it, for a minute or two at least. Finally, I think he said, "Well, it's not infected." True, but not an earth-shattering positive statement there. We talked more, and he brought up the possibility that this will need to be reopened. As in, going back and doing another surgery. Right now, he's willing to wait for Dr. Livingston and try the Collagenase in the meantime. But if the wound is not showing significant improvement by the time I see Dr. Livingston next Friday, in his opinion the only option will be surgery.
I swear when I look at this hole myself now, it looks smaller, like the edges have closed in. I guess I must be imagining things. I hesitate to take any more pictures at this point, because all the changes are now so far down that you can't see them in a photograph. The PA said he debrided all the way down to the upper fascia yesterday. That means all the way through the fat layer (at least I know exactly how thick that is now!), so there is only a thin layer of connective tissue separating my abdominal muscles from open air.
I running out of happy tricks. My usual list of things that cheer me up include punching bags, kicking walls, going for a bike ride, playing on a playground, going for a hike, redecorating, rearranging furniture, spending a night playing pool and drinking and smoking too much, and going on a road trip. I can't do any of that! I do have a sweater I've started knitting that I'm really enjoying, but I can't knit 24/7. Most days it's too uncomfortable to sit at the computer for long enough to get decent amounts of work done, which is also why this blog is only getting updated in chunks. I can play the piano, a little, but that's always been hard to do with the kids awake because they try to "help." I'm running out of ideas here. I thought of getting my eyebrows pierced. I could put a new ring in for each week I have a hole in my belly, sort of mark my time.
07-16 Tunneling
The day did not start out well. I overslept. But I recovered, and had all four kids walking out the door at 8:55am, in plenty of time for my 9:30am appointment, when I heard, "Uh-oh," and Tammy puked on the stairs.Then, when I got to the doctor's office, I was informed that my appointment was down for 9:30am on Monday, not today. They sorted that out and decided that the computer bumped it and the receptionist making the appointment didn't notice at the time. But now I was stuck in the waiting room with four kids while they worked me in.
Charles' first remark on removing the dressing was that the Collagenase does not appear to be working very well. Then he added that the odor, after decreasing on Tuesday, was now stronger again. He says that the odor is the smell of dead tissue, not infection or healing. He probed the dead area with a swab, and found a tunnel heading back into my right side, under the skin. At this, he almost appeared to panic. He seemed to think I needed to head into surgery pretty promptly, but with Dr. Livingston out of town he wasn't sure what to do. So he brought in Dr. Lannigan.
Dr. Lannigan probed the area with another swab, and broke through into several fluid pockets. Yellow-red stuff the consistency of amniotic fluid started pouring out and soaked half a dozen pads before slowing down. When it was finished, they probed some more, and finally ascertained that there were two sinus tracts, or tunnels, both extending several inches under the skin across the right side of my belly. Dr. Lannigan didn't feel the need to head into surgery right now. However, I got the impression from the two of them that a second surgery is now inevitable.
In the meantime, while we wait for Dr. Livingston, I can no longer pack my own hole, because I won't be able to get stuff into those little tunnels. So I now have to visit the wound clinic every morning to have my dressings professionally changed. On Monday, I'll see the PA again, and of course I still have my Friday appointment with Dr. Livingston scheduled.
Now my stomach feels slimy inside. That seems to be the most accurate word I can think of to convey this feeling. Every time I move, I can feel my insides burbling and sliding around. It's uncomfortable, it's painful, and frankly, it's nauseating. I'm taking the Tylenol 3 constantly now, every 4 hours, just to hold it at bay. I DON'T LIKE BEING DRUGGED ALL THE TIME!!! But I don't even want to move, because when I do move, I slosh.
I haven't had a chance for anybody to thoroughly explain what this second surgery will be like, so I'm having to imagine. I'm trying to think positive, and this is what I think. They'll open the horizontal incision, not the whole thing from hip to hip, but maybe a bit wider than for a c-section, say from the front of each hip. They'll pull the skin flap back up, not all the way up to my ribs again, but just a few inches, far enough to include the dying areas. Then they'll be able to get to all that dead tissue, excise it, put a new drain or two in, replace the skin flap, and completely close the lower incision.
At least, that's what I hope. Then I'll be closed up again, at last, and just dealing with another surgical recovery.
07-17 Infection?
I visited the wound clinic this morning for the first time since finding those tunnels. They repacked it with Accuzyme, more from my last visit's records it seemed than from anything specific the doctor or PA had ordered. Every time I go in, it's different. They were supposed to take my picture, too, but they forgot. One of the nurses was nice and entertained my kids with some bubbles they had there, which was a big help.The Accuzyme hurt really bad, so I sat around the house most of the day. It also upped the drainage even more than it had been. I've been wearing a cloth diaper folded up in my pants all day, to soak up the drainage. I think I've gone through more diapers today than my baby son has.
By this afternoon, I started feeling really strange. I felt very achy and crampy and sore all over, as if I had the flu but without any other flu symptoms. I wasn't running a fever, though. I kept checking my temperature, but it never got over 99.3. Then I noticed that all that discharge had an very distinct, strong, sweet smell. I didn't think much of it for a while, because I know that Accuzyme is made from papaya extract, so maybe that was causing the smell.
After the kids went to bed, I finally looked it up, and found some nasty infections that could be causing that specific smell with all the discharge and achiness. So I called the doctor. Instead of wanting me to come in right away, though, which I half expected, he said to meet him at the hospital in the morning when he was doing his rounds. So I'll be off tomorrow to see what's going on.
07-18 Hospitalized
Sure enough, I had an infection. We'll have to wait for the cultures to come back to be sure exactly what it is, but I'm betting on Pseudomonas. It's the only one that seemed to fit all the symptoms.By the time I got to the hospital this morning, I was barely functional. I'm not even sure how I managed to drive myself in, because in the waiting room I could hardly walk straight and just dozed up when I wasn't being asked a question. When they checked my vitals, everything was up, including my temperature finally. Dr. Lanigan checked my wound under the dressing, and it was pink all around my stomach with red streaks near the hole. Bingo! So he admitted me for IV antibiotics.
That was at 8:30am. I didn't get to a room until after 11:30am. I had to sit in the ER and listen to this poor autistic 3-year-old scream his lungs out until they finally sedated him. But eventually they got back around to me and took me up to a semi-private room. I never had a roommate in the hospital before. I don't know why, but I've always wound up in a private room. She was out of it most of the day, but we chatted a little in the afternoon. She was popular, always seemed to have about 10 visitors trying to cram into her half of the room.
They cultured and redressed my wound around 12:30pm, and the antibiotic finally got there about 3:00pm. The nurse did the wound dressing, because the doctor forgot to tell the wound team they needed to see me before they left. I spent the rest of my time begging for transportation for Brian and Liam. I eventually found out that the hospital volunteers used to have a volunteer driver program, but they had just discontinued it! Our only friends in town left yesterday for a week at church camp, and we don't really know anybody else. Brian finally got hold of our next door neighbor, Millie, and she came up and brought me a couple things and took the stroller home, but she's very elderly and can't do too much. She did say she'd bring Liam up for a visit tomorrow, but that still means we won't nurse for over 24 hours. I got a pump to take up the slack, but it's not the same.
After dinner, I got moved to a private room. Apparently, my being put in a semiprivate room was a mistake. I had an infected open wound, and my roommate was a post-op cancer patient. They didn't want me to infect her, and they didn't want her visitors to give me something new. It's actually a little lonely over here now. I may not have had visitors, but at least I got to listen to hers.
07-19 Hospital, Day Three
The main hole is actually getting smaller. Really and truly! We measured it this morning when the wound team came by, and the primary hole was 2.5cm x 1cm x 1.5cm. That's less than half the size it was last week. So I've actually started healing in the hospital. As far as I'm concerned, then, they can just keep me here for as long as it takes to get all the way better. This is obviously good for me, whether I like it or not.Dr. Lanigan didn't come by today. Neither did Dr. Livingston. One of their residents came by. He said I was doing good, but not going home yet. He didn't know where Dr. Livingston was.
07-19 Hospital, Day Two
My brother is coming up to help out. Mom has decided to put in some overtime this week, both to extend her week off and to earn extra money for plane fare. So Jack is coming up instead. He was supposed to get in tonight, but he was coming through Chicago, and wound up missing his connection due to traffic delays. Millie brought Liam up this afternoon, so I got to see him once. Hopefully Jack will be able to make it at least twice a day.The doctor came by this morning and said it was looking much better. The redness was down, and all my vitals were going back to normal. I've been on Zosyn since admission, and it seems to be working even though the culture results are not back yet. He said I might be able to go home tomorrow; he likes to continue the IV antibiotics 24 hours after symptoms clear up. I asked about a second surgery, and again he said no, but he said that Dr. Livingston should be back tomorrow and would look at it himself.
The wound team came by. One of them was the same nurse who saw me on Friday. She said it looked a little better, but it was still fairly red around my belly. She also said the floor nurse hadn't packed the tunnels yesterday. After they packed me up, they stood out in the hallway whispering about smells and redness, like I'm not just lying there listening to them. I really wish they wouldn't do that. Tell me all of it, best, worst, speculation, whatever, but don't go trying to talk about me behind my back, please?
Have you ever tried to take a shower in a shower stall with a glass door, while attached to an IV pump on a stand by a line that isn't long enough to go over the top of the door? Not fun.
07-21 Hospital, Day Five
Dr. Livingston is back! He seemed pretty disappointed and surprised that all this had been going on while he was on vacation. He said we could continue to pack it and hope for the best, since the main hole was closing, or we could do a second surgery to clean it all up. I asked him what he thought was best, and he said the surgery. So we go in at 4:30pm tomorrow to clean it all up. He'll be doing pretty much exactly what I thought, lifted up a small flap with a smaller incision, cleaning out underneath, and then closing it back up. I've requested an epidural, which seems to be okay. Now it's just a waiting game until tomorrow.07-21 Hospital, Day Four
Still no doctor's visits, just the resident. The resident said that Dr. Livingston won't be back until tomorrow, but that he will drag him over personally if he doesn't come to see me. :) I'm once again getting the feeling of being shuffled, or put off, or just maintained, until Dr. Livingston is back and can handle me himself. Is this a liability issue?The main hole is still getting smaller, but the tunnels are not keeping up. Now I have to wonder about the possibility of the main hole closing before the tunnels do, which isn't good.
And apparently the resident left orders for Accucheck sticks several times a day. This is really annoying. He apparently glanced at my chart, saw that I'm on Glucophage, and just ASSUMED I'm diabetic and need checks. Assumed. I hate people who assume. And they do it so often with the Glucophage. I have to practically beat it into people's heads that I'M NOT DIABETIC!!! If I was diabetic, it would be on my chart! So now I have to argue with the nurses or techs several times a day, because I'm refusing the sticks. My sugar is normal. I will know if it's low, and it certainly won't be high. I'm stuck in bed sewing all day, I do not need any more holes in my fingers.
07-23 Second Surgery
Officially, this surgery was a surgical debridement and complex wound closure. It didn't start out well, with the nurse being fairly rude to me when she took me back and trying to take my glasses away. I specifically requested a regional anesthesia so I could be awake for the surgery, and she wants to take my glasses away and leave me blind as a bat? I've been through three prior surgeries with regional anesthesia, and I've never lost my glasses. Even for the last one, they didn't take my glasses away until I was already almost completely under. She finally gave them back, and none of the doctors ever mentioned it during the surgery, which I expected. Thank goodness she was not at my head during the surgery, or I might have requested a general just to not have to look at her.The epidural did not go well. I warned the anesthesiology team about my prior experiences, but I don't think they believed me. Nobody ever does. Here's a little side note for any medical professionals watching: Average and Normal are statistical fantasies that do not always have much bearing on reality. Those of us who lie on the far ends of the spectrum do exist, and it decreases our quality of care when you ignore us, blow us off, and assume we have no idea what we're talking about.
Okay, enough ranting. Really, I enjoyed this surgery. It was the first time I've been wide awake and coherent and able to pay attention, and I liked it. The epidural didn't go as expected, but it all worked out in the end. The first try slipped into a blood vein, so they had to pull out and try again a notch lower. That one worked, but he was never able to get a full block. It was very patchy and incomplete. I think he gave me 25cc or more of lidocaine in the epidural, and the final result was total numbness of my left thigh. My right leg was fairly numb, I could wiggle my toes all the way through surgery, the outside of my hips was never numb at all, and I got partial numbness from my crotch up to just under my navel, just barely enough room for the surgery. They supplemented the epidural with a local lidocaine injection, and that provided enough for them to do the surgery. I was still able to feel a good bit, though, especially when they were working on the far ends of the incision where the epidural had no effect. Tolerable for me, although it might not have been for somebody else.
The anesthetist was also giving me a lot of Fentanyl through the IV, to keep me calm and relaxed. They tried to give me Versed, but I refused because the whole point of the epidural was to be awake and to remember. So he gave me I believe 3cc of Fenatanyl. Which I think was supposed to knock me out (or possibly just shut me up). All it did was make me very relaxed and comfortable. I was wide awake.
The surgery opened me up just enough to see the bottom edge of the zombie skin used for my hernia repair. At this point, Dr. Livingston checked it, and it now has blood supply and everything, fully integrated. Everybody, and I mean everybody, in the room now had to go look over his shoulder and go, "Wow!" And I was stuck behind the blue curtain. Not fair. Apparently, that donor skin isn't supposed to integrate that thoroughly that fast, so everybody was really impressed. I think he took a picture of it, too, which I hope to get a copy of.
Did you know they use a cauterizing tool in surgery that produces a smoky smell almost identical to that of a dental drill? Not only that, but it also tickles and causes muscle spasms. They have a battery-powered irrigating tool that feels like one of those personal massagers. This is all the fun stuff you can find out about if you stay awake for surgery. Pretty neat. There is also nothing quite like being able to feel yourself being sewn back together (the epidural was wearing off a bit).
I got to check it out with a mirror before he dressed it, and it looks fantastic. All neat and closed, flat, clean, you can't even tell there was a problem. I think the contour will be improved once it's healed, too. There used to be a bit of a pooch at the top of the vertical incision, and that's been flattened by this second surgery. So I'm feeling really good about this surgery. I think we're finally done. He put in two drains this time, even though he only mentioned one yesterday. So I guess I'm back in dresses for another couple of weeks. But whatever it takes, I won't complain. Too loud.
I made Jack bring me some chocolate chip pancakes after surgery. I was barely able to enjoy them, though, because the pain grew to monstrous proportions. I finally had to ask the nurse to knock me out with IV Dilaudid (a synthetic morphine), because nothing else was working. The Dilaudid didn't really relieve my pain either, but a full dose of it pretty much made me too loopy to care, so I was able to sleep. I can't believe how much I'm hurting after this surgery. It's probably the least invasive of the four abdominal surgeries I've had, and yet it's bothering me the most.
07-24 Hospital, Day Seven
I should be going home tomorrow. I was still needing the Dilaudid this morning, so they let me stay an extra day until I can control the pain a little better on my own. I'm back down to the Tylenol 3 this evening, and my pain is tolerable if still worse than expected. I didn't nurse Liam this morning because I didn't want him to be getting the Dilaudid. But he's had my milk on Tylenol 3 the last few weeks with no visible effects, so I got to nurse him this evening.Dr. Livingston came by around lunch and said everything looks good. There is a small gray area along the incision, near the center, but he said it was just bruising from grabbing with clamps or forceps or something, and nothing to worry about.
I sure hope I can talk them into taking my drains out sooner rather than later. There's nothing coming out of them, or almost nothing. Last time, he said he wanted the output to be below 30cc per drain per day. The last twelve hours of today, I got 9cc in one drain and 7cc in the other. I think I'm losing more blood from around the drain site than from the drain itself.
07-25 Coming Home
I got to come home today. Not only that, but they took out both of my drains! They really hadn't put out anything overnight. The resident said they were looking for less than 20cc per drain per day, but we were obviously below that, so they took both out. Yippee!!!!!I'm still very sore, but definitely better than yesterday. Each day is an improvement. I can't sit up for too long today, but reclining in my chair is good. It was so good to feel the sun on my skin! Tamara was practically glued to my side all evening. All the kids missed me. Caitlin was afraid I was going to disappear again in the morning.
I'm so happy to be home, and I hope this is the last complication and it's all downhill from here.
The End
I kind of left this hanging, didn't I? Well, things have gone so extraordinarily well after the second operation that I just haven't thought about it as much. Healing went great after the second surgery, and because it didn't include the hernia repair, I was better much faster. In fact, about three weeks later I took the kids and myself down to Texas for a week, without help. I even helped put together a new swingset at about the same time.It took a while before I stopped having pain in the area of the hernia repair. I finally started doing crunches regardless of the pain (after checking with my doctor, of course), working through it, and within a week the pain was gone. I feel completely normal now.
The cosmetic end result is not perfect. I have "dog ears" on my hips at the ends of the main incision. I have a dimple in front where my old belly button was. I've been told that minor office procedures could be done to clean these up. In addition, the lower front of my belly is very uneven, lumpy and bumpy. This is from the necrosis and tunneling that led to the second surgery. In that second surgery, the doctor went in and scraped out the dead tissue, which left the hollows. To fix this, I will likely need liposuction sculpting.
I don't know if I will do this or not. The imperfections are small, and they don't show at all with my clothes on. Maybe if I have a couple thousand to blow some day, I might fix it. Until then, I still plan to get my navel pierced and keep showing off my tummy with pretty skirts!